I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
