Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
