I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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