i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
