Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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