That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
