I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
