I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
