Tell her she can't have a vagina
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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