Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
