I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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