Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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