READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
