I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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