I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
