Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And then he peed in my hair
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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