how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
