the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
