I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
