wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
