you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
only you would photoshop your dick
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Panties = found
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
