She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
