It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize