my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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