omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
