Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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