My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
