how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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