So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
