in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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