Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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