they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
