I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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