just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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