The maid of honor just puked.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
