I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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