they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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