There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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