and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
