You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
