If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
