he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
