i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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