Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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