Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
