Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
