Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
