My room smells like vodka and shame
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
