how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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