know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
