I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
